when the mind feels uncertained, the heart seemed unclear

"now little buggy please shoo away cause you're not being loved by me at ALL.."

The attack of the sick bug has hit me once again and i've been sick since last saturday night and yet to recover. I guess my body starts to retaliate right now. I hope i recovers before my taiwan trip cause i so don't wana miss the fun. And yes its the stupid graveyard shift yet again before i fly off on Thursday :(

Daddy's heading off to U.S. for his business trip on the 2oth and mummy and i are planning on a gettaway trip to Korea at the end of October but have yet to confirm cause the timing just clashes. Its either i miss out the graduation on the 27th or miss out on my vacation trip for its like neither here nor there and thats the case i'd rather miss out the graduation cause i think its so gona be boring and collect my diploma from school.

One more day to pay day. Yay! Thou its gona be pay day yet i can't spend cause i'm gona be broke soon for i'm gona ask daddy to get me a coach bag from his trip that cost me 4oobucks and besides that i'm bringing 1K for my taiwan trip cause all my expenses will be on my own account. I just can't wait for my gettaway with the girls. Whheee.. Holidays i hearts and if so i hope to travel to different destination every year. I think i'm just so lucky to be loved and pampered cause daddy's sweet enough to sponsor my taiwan trip and mummy's lovely enough to bring me to korea if nothing corks up (:

Yesterday was a bad day for me, something happened and i was really upset and angry with myself so much so i can't even concentrate and know what am i doing. Even till now i'm pissed with myself. Sighs. People can never understand the way i feel cause for me when something happen i'd take it seriously cause its the way how i handle things. Don't wana talk about it; all i can say is that every lil things that i do, i take pride in it and i don't do things half past six and i'd hate or be pissed with myself if i make a stupid mistake cause it will affect my mood badly for i love my work to be perfect. Perfectionist that is but i can never be one but at least i try to be near perfect. Everyday's a learning process and people learnt from their mistake. Anyways, another chapter of my life will be closing soon and another new chapter will be awaiting for me to discover and learn. I'm not saying what but i hope life will be better and happier for me when another chapter starts. Hopefully by then i can change the way things are right now and i'd have more time (:

Last saturday was Jasmine jie's wedding and i was her jiemei. I must say it was a joyous occasion yet a tiring one as well. Had to wake up at 4am with only 3hours of sleep and being awake all the way till 2am in the morning. I was struggling to keep myself alive cause i was really tired when noon comes and with the scorching weather gosh i tell you, you'd wish you could just collapse on the bed. I wore two pink dresses in different shades of colour that day and had my hair done by her make up artiste in the evening for the wedding dinner at Grand Hyatt. Didn't fancy the image the lady gave me cause she gave me a messy look and in curls. Perhaps i ain't used to it. My parents love the curls that i had but i differ that cause i love my straight hair. Anyway, i was looking freaking shagged out and my hair was shit by then when i reached home and brother was playing MJ with his friends. Brother's friends were like looking at me and I was like goodness me. Nice of daddy to sent me to my friend's place wee early in the morning and fetching me home way late in the night; i guess its the priviledge of being daddy's lil girl and i'm really thankful for that cause nobody dotes on me as much as he does. Anyway, I didn't bring my cammie that day cause i was in a hurry for i was late plus i don't know where my brother kept it. Till then when i receive the photos, i promise i'll upload the photos which will be a month later? Heh =P

Sleepy look of hers at five in the morning (- o -)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

The bride's bouquet..

Ain't it cute for an angbao collection! :o

Lisa, and she speaks chinese :D

Everyone's looking all exhausted by the end of the night..

Finally homed and shagged out

<- that aint my bra but my dress yea

For what i think, wedding's a lovely and joyous occasion for everyone yet it isn't an easy thing cause you have to plan and worry about plenty of things even when its a big day for the bride and groom and it can get real tiring. Brother's wedding's next and its gona be in July just few days after his birthday. I must say its gona be a busy affair due to having church ceremony and the wedding dinner. I'm so looking forward to it even if it makes me exhausted, its worth the exhausion and really i'll miss him zillions.

I think i'm having a mild fever now and i guess its better for me to head to bed..

Till then, i'll be back for more after my Taiwan trip (:

if you could feel the way i feel..

will you catch her when she falls ;

Hello people, i decided to post an entry before i head to bed as i'm working 6am tomorrow.

My mood kinda brighten up particularly this week cause i'm doing morning shift and you don't know how much i love morning shift even though i had difficulty waking up or the least chance to upsell any room(s) but its okay. As long as i've the time and the time to rest i'm happy. However such moment(s) doesn't last that long cause my manager's an ass for he seldom put me on morning shift which i don't know why, but more to noon and night shift (which i hate!)

I'm in a dilemma state right now cause i seriously don't know what to do. I've been offered another job and its office hours, its like 9hours a day and 5 and a half days work week however the pay's like 300bucks lesser than what i'm receiving and in fact my pay's more than what i should normally receive because of my monthly incentive(s). I don't know if i should accept their offer cause if i do i gotta start from scratch learning new things all over again and i gotta submit my resignation letter next month which i'm still not mentally prepared to do so cause there's something that seem to be stopping me from doing that which i don't know what. I'm really really exhausted from all the irregular hours and i don't even have any time for myself but the stupid thing is i can't bear to resign yet. Perhaps i never did realize that i love my job but the fact is shift work sucks and at times the people in there makes me feel that they should just drop down dead instantly! How now brown cow? OMG i hate making decisions and i know mummy would confirm wants me to take up that office job. She says money isnt about everything and whats the point of getting so much money and on the other hand making me exhausted and affecting my health which i can't deny that its the fact and the truth.

Okay enough of typing i shall post a snappy..

A snappy shot of adrian and i on his 21st celebration..

*the dearest buddy of mine & i'm really glad to know him this lifetime*

I haven't been taking much photo(s) lately cause i look h i d e o u s..

I ain't sprouting nonsense but the truth and i've got sufficient PROOF!

See.. Proofs that shows i've nasty eyebags, looking shagged out and don't know how to put a smile on my face anymore. Shalini said my cheeks kinda sunken down but i think otherwise..

Now you know why i seldom take pictures? So pardon for the lack of pictures!

I want to change my hairstyle but my stupid fringe's growing so SLOWLY that it ain't helping me at all :(

Aiights. Twinkle land's awaiting for me right now..

GOOD NIGHTS !

i had a dream; a dream of you but before it could go on, it faded away..

will you catch her when she falls ;

I was suppose to be on a morning shift today but i took a day's leave since i had too many leave on hand and need to clear it slowly plus it was really last minute like only yesterday? I only informed my manager in a very last minute way before i head home yesterday with a stupid reason which left me with guilt. A guilt not because i took leave and not turning up for work but a guilt because of the reason to cover up my reason to take leave. Whatever reason that was, i ain't saying. I took leave for a reason and also ain't saying what but at least i get to getaway from work. I'm just getting exhausted and let me just have a break for once. Besides i've got 12days of leave, adding up the four days of off in two weeks which means i've 16days in total and knowing that its freaking hard to clear all my leave at a go, it aint no harm wasting one day's leave.

I wish i can be a sleeping beauty and sleep as much as i want to cover up my deprived loss of sleep within this one year.. Once all that is done i'll be back to normal once again.

Okay this is just so boring and random cause i'm kinda bored and i can't imagine having my friends going in to army so fast.

I'm counting down to 16 more days before my TAIWAN trip! whhheeee.. i just so can't wait cause i need a holiday BADLY and i love to travellllllllll. Yippee doodles (=

nothing matters when i hear you speak..

will you catch her when she falls ;

thank you for coming down last night; even when it was really late
thou it was really short but i'm happy cause i saw you..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST ADRIAN
Finally 21 and into adulthood (=
Good luck for your army buddy.

..and and and of course, good luck chuen wei for your army too
Enlisting on Friday which is pretty fast and i'll have short of 1 person to disturb
don't act too goody and BE SELFISH. Care for yourself first (=
You have 2days more to go to the temple, to pray & be a vegetarian to change your luck.

will you catch her when she falls ;

I took MC today; been too exhausted lately that i decided to skip work
I remember how guilt ridden i'd be if i took a mc
I can't imagine how silly i was in the past that i actually went to work when i was really sick
But now i do not give a fc*king care cause my health is more important; People change.

Dinner at some cafe and ben & jerry's with Chuen Wei & Alison just now at vivo city
Thou a short meet up but it was really something that i hadnt felt for ages
At least i'm slightly happy for now
From the bottom of my heart, thank you Chuen Wei & Alison for the evening (=

I'd realized that it has been long since i last really did talk much & really laughed out loud
I'm glad cause i havent been acting like this for a long time..
Its like going back to what i used to be yet aint gona be cause i know its just temporary

I'm really confused right now.
I do not know what am i suppose to do; am i suppose to leave or to stay?
I so much yearn to leave badly cause its affecting me terriblely yet i can't bear to..
Cause i know i'm gona miss whatever i had been doing for the past few months badly
Hell with those emotions; its time to be heartless Jaclyn.

And yes i don't think i was like this in the past
Feelings nor emotions have never exist and neither did it belong to my dictionary
Since when did i actually have feelings and develope emotions like this? OMG.

will you catch her when she falls ;

In a blink of eye, its the month of September. Pretty fast i must say. Pardon for the lack of updates cause i haven't got the chance to. As usual, i've been busy with nothing but work and catching up on my deprived rest cause i haven't been getting sufficient rest lately and sleep is all that i ever needed. Countdown for me okay people; 6more bloody months!!

My emotions weren't being normal for the past few weeks, thats because i had many shit(s) to settle and clear, however i must say not all has been done but at least things are getting better cause 1. i don't wana make myself in a miserable mode, 2. after all whats done been done there aint no reverse mode, 3. i just had to work doublely hard again and earn back what i need to, 4. i've made some decision. Plus i had a big time conflict with someone thats important to me and i'm glad all's clear now and no more arguements with each other cause everything's back to normal (=

Due to my stupid working hours, I haven't been able to spend sufficient time with my family and i'm glad that i finally had some quality time with them lately and not made me feel that i've neglected them cause my stupid boss finally gave me a pathetic week of morning shift. My recent off(s) were spent with them and at least i managed to talk to them a lil without anything happening.

You know what, my mum hates what i'm doing now (so do i -i'm hating it cause its starting to turn me into someone i do not know & exhausting me out!). Every now and then she will look into the classified and cut different job articles for me & it always ended up in the bin cause i'm not keen in it. She simply wants me to quit my job and she's really enthu about it. And yes one fine day she called the university up and enquire about my degree course and few days later woala the application form was sent to my mailbox. Did i mention that she has been wanting me to go back to school and has been persuading me about it for one year? Like three months after i started my job? And i have been putting it off and avoiding the subject till now whereby i finally gave in and promised her that i will, only till next year cause she wanted me to quit my job now as the intake is in december. In fact i didn't want to cause it isnt something i really wana do for i had something else in mind but in the end i had to cause they are my parents and i had to make them happy. I ain't gona say which university i'm looking into till everything's really confirmed but its gona be a local uni.

September will be a month filled with occasion(s). Dd & Mummy's wedding anniversary tomorrow, Adrian's turning 21, my friend's getting married, i will finally be graduating with my diploma cert and by the end of the month it will be my one year working in RCMS. Plus i'm gona submit my application form to the university for my degree as well. Okay and i hope the bloody school just faster send us the letter as to when we will be collecting our diploma.

I guess there's nothing much to blurt about yet since its just the start of September and yes its adrian's 21st celebration this saturday! (= Of course not forgetting August, its time to trackback with just pictures cause i forgot every lil details.. And yeah i had this sudden outbreak of rashes on my face lately; perhaps its the lack of rest and you could imagine how panick and worried i was for my face is spot free and i swear it aint easy to maintain. Am gona take extra care for now =/

********************

- A GET TOGETHER DAY with the CKs @ Glenda's Place -

Labels : BBQ, ktv, snake & ladder together with shots of baileys & tiger beer, endless of snappy shots

- DRAGON FLY with Yingy & maomao -

Labels : Shopping @ Bugis before dragonfly, chinese songs, R&B, supper with her guy friends.

P.S -dragonfly so aint her cuppa and thats the last place she would ever wana go

- A day of shopping @ Town -

Labels : Shopping, Coffee Club, Snappies !

- Waffles on Tuesdays @ Gelare -

Labels : Waffles, Gossips and never ending updates with Glenda & Yingy, No Pictures taken

- Chinatowned & Lunch at Novena Square -

Labels : Glenda & Yingy, Booking & Payment, MOS Burger, Yami yoghurt ice cream, No Picture Taken

- Boring Day @ Work when she was on 5pm shift -

Labels : Dinner Break, Fooling around when there aint no guest, Pictures pictures pictures.

There's actually more to it in the month of August but thats all that i could recall cause i've forgotten the rest of it and you know what people i'd just realize that i'll only post an entry whenever i'm doing the graveyard shift. ( - . - )

Aiights thats about all and i'm off to bed for now, take care peeps and with love (= GOOD NIGHTS !

feelings that were once there seemed to have faded away ;

it ain't gona be the same like before..

will you catch her when she falls ;