when the mind feels uncertained, the heart seemed unclear

Finally a day back from work
I'm sleepy, tired, exhausted and getting insanely crazy..
Thou i just had my 2 days off on thurs and fri' but its NEVER ENOUGH!
There's just too many uneventful things happening to me right now
..and i'm so sick of it, which explains my mood.. =/

and so ITS..
7 more days before pay day
3 more days before my off day
2 more days and its pampering treats for shalini and i
1 more day and daddy's finally back from his Europe trip
andddd i might be gone for 1 & a half week next month (which depends on dd's schedule)

Aiights i'm gona bathe and sleep.
Its mid-shift again tomorrow, my "ultimate-favourite" shift
Shall update again during my off days if i aint busy. Good Nights alll..

will you catch her when she falls ;

Sometimes its totally right for one to indulge in their favourite occasionally..

dark choco pocky = TOTALLY SINFUL!
..but sinful things makes you smile don't it (=

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If there's one thing that i love within a week, it'd be my off day! I just love being away from work as its totally stress free and this week is good because i get to work for 2 days and off for 2 days and back to work for 3days. Yippee! But but but good things doesnt last for long isnt it cause its gona be busy next week as the occupancy is rising like crazy again which is bad for me. I wonder whats my roster like for next week and hope that my manager will not give me morning shift till daddy's back cause i'm gona be so broke as i've decided that i'm gona take cab to work in the morning. Reason being 1. daddy's going to Europe this saturday for his oversea trip again 2. i CANNOT wake up wee early in the morning 3. i aint used to taking mrt early in the morning. 3. i'm so used to be driven around by daddy dearest. I can't stop people from defining me as pampered because i am. My parents spoils me for good so much so i can never be as independent and that i know nuts about public transport because its been like this for the past 22years.

I have been a good girl this week cause there aint no late nights out. Heh. Headed to town with Shalini and Chynna yesterday. Simply love going out with this two lovely ladies and they are the ones that perks me up at work. Went to do our manicure at far east and i cannot stand my nails right now because its so short and i think its ugly. I love it when my nails are long but it keeps chipping like crazy when it grows longer =( Perhaps the next time round i shall try doing acrylic nails. Bought a new watch with sha and i felt like a bimbo at that point of time *aint telling why* cause i couldnt do much movements due to my painted nails. Dinner at soup spoon and i was rather hungry for it was like my first meal of the day. Simply love their pumkin soup cause its yummy! Brought Chy to do her threading and we wanted to catch a movie later on but there aint no available slot thus we settled for hongkong cafe and their yummy ice mango dessert.

There's so many things that i wana buy and its so tempting but i'm putting on hold first and we're going shopping together again. I'm gona get whatever i want because i've got the ability to do so. And everything will be from my incentives. Money can do wonders isnt it. It makes you happy and on the other hand gives you the sense of satisfactory by spending your hard earned money and not depending on others to get the things you want.

* the 2 of us playing around in the fitting room while chy trying on her clothes.. *

Met up with Yingying, Vivi and Glenda last Saturday and headed to town. Wanted to catch Mr Bean with Ying to kill time while waiting for Vivi and Glen to meet us and i forgot its a saturday as if its not booked in advance there aint no seats. Dinner at hongkong cafe and i had this cheese spag with pork i think. I don't know why but its freaking filling and i can't finish it up after a few mouth. And please don't drink their mango ice at cine's because its totally way off different from what i last had when i was at the katong's outlet. Its sucky! I saw mr woofy that evening but didnt manage to talk to him cause he was with a huge group of friends. Anyway it was a last minute thing to MOS and we configured that we cannot go inside the dance floor because the music would suck. As usual it was packed like nobodies business and the rnb wasnt that bad. Its like reminscing back to the old days. Did i mention that my favourite drink now at clubs would be fruit punch? Lol. I don't know why but i just love that juice. Please don't laugh cause if you do the fruitpunch will be offended and who knows you'll have fruits coming your way punching you straight on the face. Okay this is so lame. Actually the fact is i'm just so sick of having alcohol downed my throat due to the past recent weeks. I guess as you grow older everything seem to have differ and changed; its no longer as crazy as what it used to be in the past.

I pray and i hope that my management will send me for japanese class cause they had this email asking if we are interested in taking up either japanese or spanish language. I seriously hope it'd be true cause sha and i penned our names down and it will definately be good and help because i don't have to spend a single cents on language class. This is what i call making use of the best while you can. And you know what i'm gona further my studies for a degree. Perhaps next year or maybe the year after next. I aint sure myself because i havent really decided as there's many things that left me hesitating. The good thing it is that it enables me to study a year in local and another year to switzerland which makes me happy for i've always wanted to go abroad to study (=

Daddy's going to Europe tomorrow and hopefully he gets something back for me from DFS..

For the month of April and maybe May..

1. I'm gona cut my hair again. Yes another trip to the saloon soon, you heard me right thou i just had it snipped off last month.

2. I gotta have time out and drag myself down to the traffic police to replace my lost licence cause its been 3 frigging months losing it and not doing anything about it. Thanks to my i-cannot-be-bothered-attitude.

3. LOSE weight. Yea its back to my dieting regime and to the gym; 5kg that is.

BYE people. Enjoy your weekend; its back to work for me.

sometimes you left me pondering and i wonder why is this so..
at times i felt like giving up but yet not ; i can't seem to understand whats in your mind.

will you catch her when she falls ;

Ittss GOOD FRIDAY yet i'm working today but its okay because i get to accumulate all my PHs and claim it all at one go; thats what i love about it - the thought of clearing my one week of PHs is superb and i shall start planning when do i want to claim it.

Anyway, i must have been blinded with work that i've plain forgotten that its a public holiday today because i only found out last night when i ended work from my manager. Yeah thats how bad it is; a "hardcore" workaholic indeed.

Good friday reminds me nothing but cute little bunny and easter eggs because two days later it'd be easter sunday! Heh. Okay it isnt just about bunny and eggs but god sacrificed himself to remove everyone's sin and i know people goes to church and pray today and they try not to eat meat. I don't know if people practice that but my dad doesnt eat meat on Good Friday. Did i ever mention that my family has a mixture of religion. My brother and dad are catholic and mummy's buddhist and me being a free thinker. So i'm like neither here nor there. Its a good thing my parents are open about it because they give me the freedom to choose thou i know my daddy would want me to be a catholic but i guess i'm gona disappoint him as i've something with catholic(s) and christian(s) that i'll never convert myself to be one.

I hope it will not be a boring day to work today. I cannot stand my management because they are plain childish and an ass in the brain. They don't let me work with people i'm close with but people i cannot stand working with. They intentionally give different schedule and seperate good friends; thats how idiotic meanie they are.

Whheee its gona be the weekend off for me again and i wonder when will be my next off next week because she wants to see that someone. And yes i cannnootttt wait for the 28th of this month because i've loads of incentives coming in together with my pay. Yippeee!

Okay my entire entry is rubbish and i don't know what am i crapping about because i'm just bored so ignore this entry please..

she'll wait till the day she finally found what she wants and felt beneath

will you catch her when she falls ;

*sometimes things aint easy as you think it'd meant to be..*

If you're wondering why havent i updated its because my life has been busy lately and me being exhausted. Now where shall i start because there's just too many things to blurt yet i'm just plain lazy to do it and i shall just end the month of March with this post.

What else can Jaclyn be busy with? I'm just so occupied with work and when its off day its about getting back my deprived sleep, outings plus chilling out with colleagues & friends and family bonding. What else can you expect. My life is monotoned for now and if you'd ask me if i'm happy with my life right now and whatever i'm doing, the answer would be no. I really think i should adjust my whole life. Its getting no where, i need and want to change my life cause i'm starting to hate everything but i can't bring myself to do it right now cause there's many reasons that i've no choice but to hold on and can't simply let go as and when i want.

And so if you're wondering what have i been doing for the past few weeks, its time for memory refreshers. At least my life doesnt evolves so much about work thou it seems like it and i've no idea why but my manager just simply love giving me either mid shift or afternoon shift and rarely in the morning whereby i always end work late in the night which explains why i kinda MIA-ed at times and you could just imagine what i do after work; BEAUTY SLEEP!

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#o7o3o7`Wednesday ; Headed to zouk with Shalini and supposingly with the rest of my colleagues but they couldnt make it therefore its just the two of us but not until i met my other friends. Crazy night it was but it was definately fun and something memorable. Aint no idea whats gotten into me plus i didnt drive that night. Had like 4shots of don't know what, 2 jugs of vodka and yucky long island i downed while playing stupid finger games but sweet of him helped me drink and i know i'm safe with you looking after me. Perhaps its due to stress at work thats why we drank like nobody business. Oh yes, i hate long island tea; disgusting shit - Yucks!

#o9o3o7`Friday ; TGIF = Pampering day for Jaclyn. Had my brows trimmed and neated, did manicure and last but not least aint no idea whats gotten into me that i went to cut my hair at REDS, spending hundred plus just on my hair alone. As you know its always when i'm not in my usual self or rather feeling rather down whereby i would just vent it by cutting my hair. And yes, i don't know whats up with the hairdresser as i wonder if they understand what i told them because each time i said i wanted to keep my fringe it would end up me having bangs again. Plus the after effect of hair cut made me look like a small kid - _ -" Being young when your aging is a good thing but looking too young is another thing. And wana know something? An important guest of Ritz onced asked my age and whether i've passed the age requirement to work and then he said to me, "since when did Ritz Carlton started employing underage people." I was like OMG and my colleagues were grinning away. Its crazy i tell you.

* stupid haircut of hers.. *

#16o3o7`Friday; Was working in the noon and work wasnt that busy that day. Out to chill after work with Shalini as she wants to relief stress from work. Was suppose to meet Christopher as well but he didnt turn up after ending his shift, making it the 2 of us again. Went over to Alley Bar and we shared a bottle of Champagne with a damage of 88bucks and had 3 glasses each. Dropped by zouk later on to meet up with her friends and i got so lucky that i bumped into my cousin. I'd know mama would know the very next day but i couldnt care less. And after a crazy night, we went back to Marina Square to find one of our colleagues before heading home at 53o. Yea i know you might think i've gone nuts but its just one of the moments whereby you just need to unwind and release the stress within. You'd realize how insane it could be if you're working in that stupid environment which i don't wana elaborate. And fyi i aint turning into an alcoholic.

* retarded snappies of the both of us..*

#17o3o7`Saturday ; Shopping with my darling one at town and we spent the whole afternoon till night shopping non-stop till we forgot about dinner. Bought cosmetics and tops for myself. By the way does anyone wants the small sponge for the compact powder; its from FANCL and i don't need it cause i don't even use compact powder. Went to find my parents later on as they are in town as daddy had to buy his winter wear for he's going on a business trip again to U.S. and i'm gona miss him for sure.

#24o3o7`Saturday ; Mummy's colleagues camped over our place the night before and i only slept at 4am waking up at 9 as it was so noisy and its disturbing my sleep. Wanted to head to town in the afternoon to do some stuffs but i'm just too lethagic and decided to take a nap the whole afternoon. Met up with C.Wei, Abbie, Alison and Ying in the late evening and we had dinner at Taka's Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao; because it was a little birthday celebration i gave them a treat. Not that i feel loaded or pay day's coming but whenever there's an occasion i don't mind paying for it. Had La Mian(s) and rice for our mains and xiao long bao and guo tie as side order.

The LaMian was like a huge portion and i think the bowl was rather heavy because the lady slammed my bowl on the table. As usual, i couldnt finish up the noodles again. Anyway i simply love Crystal Jade's xiao long bao; its just so juicy and yummy =D Headed over to the Balcony and met up with the rest of the CK members to chill out. And you know what, the whole building had a blackout and the place was like so humid without air-con. Went over to star bucks later on and slacked till 33o. Its really great having everyone gather once again and having all the updatings since we hadnt seen each other for month(s) and of course thanks CKs for the night out. Hopefully soon we'll meet up again.

#27o3o7`Monday ; I have been having insomia lately and been really exhausted. Not only that my stupid company has been interupting my sleep wee early in the morning that gotten me paranoid causing me to wake up at certain time in the morning for fear that my hp would start buzzing. Never mind about that i had to work overtime for them foc even when i'm dead tired and brain dead. Poor me already like a zombie and forcing myself to work, can you imagine how worn out i was when i went to work and my colleague was like asking if i was alright because my face doesnt look fine. Not that i'm complaining but work is getting shittier each day and its totally draining me out that i couldnt take it any further therefore i decided to take MC halfway through. People who know me well enough would know that i wouldnt take MC any-o-how but this time it was exceptional; i was just sick of working and decided to take the half day off. Of course daddy and mummy was shocked to see that i was home early and i just told them that i was tired and decided to come home. At least i got some benefits today cause i got to earn additional money as i sold a bedroom suite to a china guy. How greattt to think that my pay will have more money again with all the incentives coming in. *Dear god, please bless me to be luckier and have more upsell so that i'll have more incentives..* Yes i must remind myself again that i've to work for the sake of money.. It aint about being materialistic and i aint becoming one but its about my future that i'm looking at. I aint hard up for money but i'm working like crazy for my hard-earned money so that my life will be better off when i'm older.

#28o3o7` Wednesday ; HAPPY DOUBLE TWO to Jaclyn! *i just wish to be happy thats all and its as simple as that* Turning 22 doesnt seem like a big issue to me but time really do pass quickly as it seemed as if i just turned 21 yesterday and i aint at all looking forward or excited to my 22nd. Was suppose to go back to my workplace as i've got department meeting but i can't be bothered to go back and seeing those faces makes my mood go dull. This birthday wasnt really a happy or good one because my emotion's like a roller coaster. Had dinner with family together with cheryl at a japanese restaurant located near bukit timah. The food was really good but a pity i can't eat much cause i don't have a huge appetite. Headed to zouk later on to meet Shalini and the guys. Stewart came later on and nice of him to find me cause he doesnt go to phuture. My manager came as well but i refused to meet him leaving Shalini to meet him alone and i felt bad later on. Met up with Adrian and its so good to see him again and i unexpectedly bumped into mingo and kenneth. Definately did have fun that night and we did some stupid shits that i'll never forget what the four of us did with the ice and i had B52, flaming lambo, jugs of vodka and yucky long island again. Thank god i wasnt a drunk shit that night because i refused to drink alot and i'm glad i've someone by my side. Homed at 43o with Shalini sleeping over at my place.

*too bad peeps i'm lazy to upload the rest of the pic*

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Yup and so this ends the entire entries of March. Pardon me for the lengthy contents and i will be back for April if i aint too busy plus i've to start forcing myself to begin with my 15,ooo words whereby i've got 2 more months to complete. Like i've said, any kind souls out there willing to write it for me? And of course you'll get something in return. Haha. Aiights i'm gona stop here and head to bed as i'm really sleepy due to waking up at 345am for work and before i finally end, here's something for certain people ;

Thankies Ying, Vivi, Rebecca, Mr Boyfriend, Daffy, Liyana, Andrew and my dear CKs for the lovely present you have gotten for me. Not forgetting the personalized lovely yummy birthday cake baked by Ying. I'm so touched by the effort because its the first time someone actually bake a cake for me. Too bad Ying, you are a girl and not a guy plus i'm awfully straight and aint a lesbian because if you're a guy, you'd melt my heart and i'll fall for you and if i'm a lesbian i'll chase after you. Okay enough said because its getting lame. LOL!

* thanks Ying for the pocky! *

Thanks Chuenwei for lending me your listening ear and basically everything *you should know what i mean*. I don't know how come and why but you really seemed to understand me well thou i never did told you anything but i really do appreciate it alot and i'm really glad to have you as a great friend. Seriously i think you should be a girl instead because you really do understand girls alot; i guess the name CK sister really suits you well..

Thanks Issy for the dinner treat and the talk we had over dinner; Thanks Chynna and Shalini for the necklace you girls gotten me for my gift and Shalini, thank you for being a wonderful colleague and a good friend. Even thou its just a short period of time where we get to know each other but the friendship's just amazing and i hope for the one year to come and that the both of us be happy once again..

Thank you daddy and mummy for pampering and doting on me so double much and always giving in to me when at times i get out of hand. For tolerating my nonsense and my rubbish attitude when at times work gets really bad. And daddy for always driving me around especially to and from work even when there's ERP. I know it hasnt been easy bringing me up for the past 22 years and i really do appreciate everything even when your love at times can be so suffocating making me go nuts and always ever so overprotective of me. Even thou you will never get to see this but still i'm just so blessed; i will never be what i am today if not for the both of you. I just can't imagine what would become of me if i don't have the both of you by my side but then again i hope you could just let me decide the path i want to go and really want to do.

Thank you dearest brother for the gift, i really love it. Thank you for waking up wee early in the morning sending me to work last week when daddy was in U.S, i really appreciate it. Thank you for being protective of me, lending me your ears and being there for me when work gets to the extreme till an extend i teared uncontrollably and keeping it from daddy and mummy. Thou you can be a pain in the ass and always irritating me everyday without fail, i will learn to tolerate your irritating shits because i know it isnt for long whereby you'll be getting married and i wont get to live under the same roof with you, snatching the bathroom and taking ages in there, coming to fetch me from work, complaining to mummy when you get really so irritating. I'm really happy and glad that i've got a great brother and i hope you'll be an outstanding lawyer in years to come

HAPPY BELATED 21st brother bear! Hope you had a great one and sorry for not attending your chalet due to work commitment.

Lastly, i hope i know what i really want and be back to what i used to be. Its really horrible having to lose the smile i once had and i can't imagine smiling when you know that that smile of yours is just a plastered on and looking oh-so-fake when it means nothing at all. I hate that and i won't let myself crumble down. And can someone just wake me up from my delusional world and feel what i really feel within and not delude myself any further.. Will time unveil everything; i dont know.

And yea..

HAPPY APRIL FOOL everyone.

..happy fooling around but don't get fooled in return =P

Your presence makes everything different..

will you catch her when she falls ;