when the mind feels uncertained, the heart seemed unclear

" life isnt an easy thing
it comes with responsibility.. "

Before i start my day entry...

PLS DO NOT STEAL MY BLOG SONG!

(..without my permission) bcoz its really precious to me' tankiiees

if you DID - keep it & not publish for personal use. it means alot to me'

and bcoz i don't wana peeps to steal my song i've decided to replace it. sorry!

anyway.. tankiies for taking interest in it - very much appreciated' (=

have you ever felt so lost when u needed someone to be there to confide in and pour out all your troubles but couldnt find a single soul at that point of time? and when u finally do have someone to be there, you just cant bring yourself to do so? i actually wonder when will that day be when i really do have the courage to open myself and just let go of everything that is bottled up in me' than only can i stop being the silly clown with a stupid smile//

nothing interesting to update but the usual routine.. nothing but school' and its simply so tiring with the never ending projects that are piling up and with datelines coming up.. practically insane' i can simply foresee myself burning till late at night & being a zombie. how wonderful can that be. thats what school life is all about - knowledge; tests; projects & exams. - _ - guess i should free myself away from all these after i graduate. never had a liking for studies & i'm just doing it for the sake of that piece of paper. degree or not i shall not think abt it.havent been wearing my lens lately as there's something wrong with it. the burning sensation is simply scary & i dont wana risk my eyes. LOLS. wonder whats happening to me lately. my tummy been giving me problems with sharp pains every now and than that it just hurt so badly to endure till a point of time i feel nausea & lost of appetite. been fighting against the pain the whole of today that i simply don't have the mood to talk. it just sucks. it isnt abt the monthly issues & i've clueless idea on how the pain started. perhaps i should tell the doc whats happening but than again maybe i should not.. what if there's really a problem? its so frustrating )= one is already enough` can my body stop giving me problems for once.. its too much to handle//

#26 - stayed at home the whole day with the mugging of projects. spent almost the whole time in front of the damn com. how sickkk can that be. LOL! its so tiring that i had to take a long nap till a point of time my parents thought i was out when im actually sleeping like a pig.. how lame can that be. for once i became the child without an existance. haha' crappps. the only thing i had for dinner was vegetables & cant imagine im so contented by just having that. LOL! lammeee//

#25 - headed to school for travel operation lessons as usual & drove to school. we got unlucky that we got caught not wearing proper school uniform. how happening' upon hearing mary ann lai's voice we practically ran away from her & hid behind the lockers. unfortunately she came hunting for us' and we got caught. LOL! lammee.. lucky for me i was in proper uni except that i was in slippers which aint suppose to` thinking i could get away with it (but not) i faced her without guilt and my conversation with her:

TUTOR: why are u in slippers?

ME: mam my heels spoil cannot wear..

TUTOR: ur heels only happen to spoil on a saturday. (sacarsticly)

ME: really mam heels spoil (..and i went speechless)

the whole thing was indeed dumb and maybe u think thats really lammeee but truth is my CK heels had sent for repair and that stupid old heels of mine is so blady irritating that each time when i walk u'll be able to identify my presence due to the 'kock kock kock' sound and its simply noisy. LOL! and she told another tutor a diff thing' she said i wear flops bcoz i said my TOES WERE SWOLLEN! crazy! thats the lamest excuse ever' and when did i ever come out with one? yikes! saturdays are getting very emo bcoz its staying at home rather den heading out. LOLS. a change of lifestyle till duno when.. head out in the night for last min coffee session. initially wanted slacked around my area & realised it was totally boring and headed over to prata house with my usual cuppa of ginger tea. haha. couldnt really talk bcoz its really noisy & decided to head back to tpy. slacked nearby the playground. and dammit thats where the missy blurry with her dumb dumb actions occur - _ - stupid ass wanted play the slide at the playground thus insisting me to play when i did not want to. okay i did play afterall - back to childhood days. guess what happen? i was so blur that i din notice there was a bar in front of the slide than *BANG* ouchh. got a bumbum on my head already' so pain! tankiies man' ask me play.. okay partially my fault too. LOLS! cnt blame' was too dark cnt see + the blurry in me. wanted to head home early as my dd's taking the midnight flight back but the stupid thing was i overlooked the time & thought it was 1 when it was 23o already? felt rather bad for not welcoming him home )= miss him tonns & there's confessions awaiting to be made =X //

had a really good talk with dd on the way to sch today & i realised its been ages since we last did. all i can say is im really blessed to have him this lifetime.. to me; he is what i call the perfect father in my eyes. the one who showers me with loaddds of love without fail; always giving in to what i want; providing the best of what he can; tolerating my nonsensical actions; giving me the morale support; stand by me and always protecting me` basically more than i could ever ask for. everything he said just makes so much sense and encouraging. he made me realised many things that ive never thought of & that things can be made beautiful depending on how we want it to be. wouldnt imagine what would be me without him around. and in this lifetime i really have my parents to thank for & be what i am today bcoz i know it isnt an easy thing bringing me up causing much worries//

i don't care how others misjudge or look at me.. every individuals have got their own personality. its either u love it or hate it. i'm just being me & who i am. if u aint happy with the way i am than let it be bcoz i cant please every single one out there. i'm not perfect & so are you bcoz no one is ever perfect. matter of a fact; who are u to judge me when your just strangers or do not even know me well even if ur my friend. thats what i really dislike// don't bad mouth others if u dont know them inside out; don't try and create or find troubles with others just because u think they sucks. basically its just part of ur assumption. don't u think u should at least know that person well before u really judge them for it isnt fair by judging them by the appearance. whatever it is.. critisism, hatred or not doesnt really affect me. i'm immuned to it. go ahead and shoot bcoz u cant hurt but simply make one learn to be strong (= in this lifetime if you cant handle a simple thing well u aint able to succeed. why hate when u can love? why spoil the beauty of friendship when there can be beautiful bonds? trusting is another thing. don't simply trust when in the end its just a piece of lie.. i've experienced many setbacks and i've learnt never to trust others easily..

whatever posted is just an opinion and thoughts of mine & i'm really not targeting at anyone. choose to believe its up to individuals. i cant make ppl believe but i've the right to say what i really feel bcoz this is my blog. and pls don't jump into conclusion or be overly sensitive - i don't want to be accused of what i did no wrong; basically i'm just sickk of the behaviour of humans. and yes i agree i've no right to say others bcoz i sucks at time too. so peace okay..//

till this point of time.. i guess its time for a change; in becoming a better person (=

+ i'm sorry if i've inflicted pain to others unknowingly & having to hurt peeps knowing the fact that i cant help it... i'm sorry if i've made others disappointed or lose hopes in me and i'm sorry to have lost certain friendships that ive created..

+ to the sweetiies of CKs.. having able to have such beautiful friendships are a blessing & friendships that are bond will never be replaced. no matter what happens i'll stand by u sweetiies & whenever u need me i'll be here.. (=

+ Adrian.. thou u dont read my blog but im still gona say it; i'm really thankful to have u as my buddy & to stand by me throughout the school days. thou there are sunshines & thunderstorms nothing beats having u as my buddy (= and yeah no matter what i'll always be here for u to listen to your probs and i hope u'll really treasure ur relationship & last to a lifetime. don't be too hot tempered yea (= LOL!

+Glen sweets >> don't say such lammmeeee things ok. i'll and am always be here' and u know it. LOLS! this sat. our deal. the promise. the craziness' let it all out! haha. crazzzyyyyy man! where are the days where we had plenty of fun' the emo late night out' the slacking over coffee' the emo movies? haha. stop ur emo-ing its boringggg! LOL! one day when opportunity hits we will just go vrroom vrrooom again okie` haha.. *hugs! love ya man.

jealousy kills' ..too much consumption causes harm'

will you catch her when she falls ;

THIS ENTRY IS BORING;
WHY ARE YOU READING IT ? LOLS!

finally done with the editing shit of my blog.. its crazy i tell u` LOLS. its getting late & i've lessons at 9 tml. so sucky. projects are piling up yet i aint doing anything. my brain's aint functioning and i shall stop my craps. shall post a better entry when i feel like it. twinkle dreams is all i ever want for now.. -poofs

..and yeah before i really go'

*tankiies my dearest CKs' for everything. for having adriian & ii part of u and for bringing so much fun, craps & be there when in need.. i really really appreciate it loaddds & am really glad to have u sweetiies around when things happen (= bcoz i think i'll be at lost without ur presence. haha. a sotong like me will always be as blur as ever. *hugs ! love ya all.. (=

*CWei' don't so emo and be stressed up okiiee. each individuals have their problems bottling in them & don;t deny there aint no troubles or trying to act normal bcoz u cant run away for expressions shows it all// if there's anything bothering u just let it out & remember i'll be here to listen for u are a good friend of mine + i dont want to see u falling into the category of depression. dont always think i'm busy & i DONT GO OUT EVERYDAY okay (= peeps change, so do i. see i even managed to cut down on clubbing. LOLS! okay not funny` =X

will you catch her when she falls ;

" sometimes things aint within our control
no matter how we want it to be..
it will never turn out to be as it is "

urgh` whats with blogger nowadays. getting all screwed up. messing up my post & everything. so sucky and what the hell did they change my headings from english to chinese wordings knowing the fact that i cant read a single bit of it? cant possibly be my internet explorer. dahhh` shall head for yoga later to clear my mind & calm myself. my tummy cramps are back again. imagine tiny needles poking u a zillion times. painful. urgh. *siighhs* i don't feel good.. really i don't. the feeling suckks. can i really let my tears roll out for once and not control it? i don't like to be a clown & don't want to be one. feeling rather troubled with many things.. and i really hate it to be this way bcoz its never ending. troubles` they simply love to appear juz to make ur life more complex. when can i ever have a better life i wonder..

" respect others and others in return will respect u... "

#18 - as usual saturday lessons of travel operations and this time round its our sales presentation. finally half of it is done leaving with our tour left. sometimes i really wonder if putting ur heart and soul to make something perfect worth bcoz afterall it doesnt really matter. really it don't.

[adriian & ii] we got so bored & thats how it started [the lameness in us]
Image hosting by Photobucket

EVER wondered how to pose with 1-5 fingers

fret not` there's a solution to everything. LOLS!

TA DA ! ..and so here it is. entertaining right. LOL!

now don't u try to run.. *where's my entertainment fee?*

headed to town together with glen & alison. had pasta for lunch & saw timothy at cine. town's getting boring; nothing new & everything's the same. decided to head down to marina square & its newly renovated with shops overloaddded. i'll probably get lost if im alone. wonder if they do have feedback forms bcoz their toilet suckks. crazyyy fancy having such a big compound yet stinge on the toilets with just 3 cubicles. - _ - anyway who says brokiies cant shop. its different when it comes to shopping haha. pampered myself for once & bought stuffs (= aint posting what i bought except for one cause its simply so cuteee! shopping makes me smile & brightens up my day. shopped till 7+ and tankiies sweets for the ride home. been ages since i stayed at home on a sat night without heading out. LOLS! an emo night watching disgusting 'chucky' on star movie alone. wonder why issit whenever im home my parents will always be out & vice versa. will there ever be once whereby we're really together on a wkend?

my purpiie noddy ' cute right. LOLS

talk to it & it'll shake & nod its head. so self entertaining.

will you catch her when she falls ;

"after every storm unveils a beautiful rainbow...
the beautiful rainbow that paints a ray of hope in one's life"

boyy am i tired. back home at 1o3o due to project discussion for tml's sales presentation at lorrane's place. hopefully everything will be in order & nothing goes wrong (= been rather busy lately & havent had time to blog an entry. as usual long hours at sch, sleeping in class & projects cum tests are never ending! hadnt had sufficient rest thus explains the state of a zombified me. ( - . O ) dd's going oversea to work again; this time round to U.S and yes i'll blady miss him for the whole of next wk. shall ask him to get me something & i aint telling what for i know he'll buy it for me. LOL! *evil grin* hope my memory's still running and i shall do a quick recap for i wana shower & head to my twinkleland asap! T I R E D okay.

#11 - travel operation test cum lesson. wasnt that bad afterall & i din really study for it *phews..! headed out to meet sarah dottie at clarke quay. bumped into shirin at the queue while waiting for andy & glen to arrive.

finally charlie angels are back again getting all crazed up. LOL! saw mr boyfriend, tiancai and later on bumped into zee which i would never imagine. was fun & had vodka cranberry + B52. headed to mac and slacked with glen before heading home at 43o.

#12 - last day of cny. stayed at home almost the whole day before heading to my granny's for dinner. saw fireworks at my home & it was really beautiful. wanted to video & take snappies of it but a pity there wasnt enough batt for my cammie )=

#13 - couldnt wake up in the morning & overslept. like the usual routine gotta rush like crazy again. think i need thousands of alarm clock but even if so its useless for i'll just off each & everyone of it. luckily i've got my dd around to wake me up (= headed to prata house at 11 to slack with my sweets; glen & abbiie. and yeah peeps usually go prata house for pratas but i'm such an exception for i don't like pratas but mostly to slack with my cuppa ginger tea. maybe they should rename their shop to "prata tea yakety yak house". LOLS. okayy not funny. so lammeee.. whatever` headed to find sebestian to discuss about project. wonder if im really that terrifying. LOLS. home ard 2+ & tankiies sweet for the ride back (=

#14 - was valentine's & another ordinary day to me. haha. hopefully all the couples out there had a lovely valentine with their love ones & don't be upset if ur valentine's aint an enjoyable one as u'll be able to spend precious time with ur love one. headed out in the morning to do project with the CKs at Funan mac. did till 4+ & headed for window shopping with glen, abbie & alison. parents called for dinner & headed to crystal jade. their congee is simply yummy thou there isnt once whereby its cleaned up. sweet dd bought mummy roses & its really lovely. LOL! couldnt forget the expression on their face bcoz dd was so embarressed as there were loads of ppl at that point of time// headed down to cine to meet up with danny & sarah dottie.

wonder whats danny up to.. LOLS. opps! hopes he doesnt sees this =X

aint no movie as there's no slot thus we went to starbucks & slack. got burnt by danny's cig while trying to grab my hp back & tankiies god there aint no scar on my hand thou it was painful. otherwise i would have strangled him. LOLS! [*anyway deariie dottie` perhaps its hard to let it go but whatever it is just do what u think is right as long as ur happy & not upset or with no regrets (= marmie will always be here for u yea *muackks! ]

Happy Birthday to the Febbiie Babies; Catherine, Karsoon, Yolanda & Zhenyi !

* Glenda sweets - tankiies for the lovely present u bought. was really nice & sweet. love it loadds! (= yes shopppinggg soon & emo nights again? LOLS !

will you catch her when she falls ;

the problem with humans & emotions..
its just crappps//

now leave me alone.
let me be. in my dreams of my reality
i aint perfect & no angel. i sucks.
the only thing i know is to hurt others
thats it.
feelings put in will not be returned
don't blame me for i really dont wish to.

...someone just strangle me` blady test tml & yet to study a single bit. hallelujah. its either i hail to doom or find a damn kerosene lamp & start burning like nobody's business. urgh.

finally C H A R L I E - A N G E L S are back in action.

time to get pretty crazyyy with them tml! (=

will you catch her when she falls ;

"people often remember the bad point & overlook the good merits
when was the last time u ever praised someone & make them happy
a book isnt just there for its appearance..
its to unveil whats hidden beneath it
don't chuck it just bcoz its tattered & torn but look beyond it
thats where true beauty originates & comes from.. "

wonder why am i at school when i only opened my eyes for history & maths. as for the rest of the hours i'm being cut off coz the entire universe shut me up due to lack of radar or issit signal/radiation? whatever.. actual fact i shut the whole universe. dahhh what am i crapping again. LOLS! the popuation in class is detoriating thats bcoz school's way too boring & with crazy schedule its just sickk. monday just sucks coz it painted itself blue thats how u get monday blues// i'm supposed to be mugging for my geography test on weds but somehow or rather i dun have the urge to do so & that explains why im blogging laming around again. 2 tests cum projects & gona be a busy week. project meeting at raffles tml *cross my fingers* i'm afraid i'll be a blur ass thinking there's no sch landing up not appearing than i'll be dead. haha. brother's left for HK & its left with me alone again. anyway i'm used to being alone so doesnt really affect me but i'll miss him still till july when he finally returns home

#o4 - headed to school for lessons & rushed back home. opened house for cny gatherings the whole day. for the first time i actually saw my great grand aunt(my dd's) and i'm like rather blur. nice lady who's still looking good & my bro resembles like her.

later on i went to an aunt's place whom i've no idea who is she. perhaps i've seen her once when i was damn young & seriously i dont like that face of hers. looking freaking snobbish & who cares if ur living in a high class society. i guess she only mixes around with the same caliber of hers. so what if they've tons of money? at the end of the day happiness is what they cant obtain. cant blame` its not that ive got a poor memory i'm just not close to my dd's side for they are in penang & switzerland + i dun get to see them till years later. did i mention i've a multi racial relatives with malay indian & eurasian mix thats why im so gd at 'not being' racist. LOLS! crappps. i was so freaking bored & being a gd girl this year i did not gamble a single bit. landed up meeting glen at P.S. headed to TCC and slack there to kill time while waiting to catch our 123oam movie 'I Not Stupid Too'

the ever first time i watched a local movie & watching a movie with my only girlfriend. LOLS. as usual the 2 emo us. was a nice movie & if u haben catch it u really should. its damn lame & touching + relates to the society these days. overall a rating of 4/5. i really think my parents should watch it than they would get to realise what i really want.. its not the love and comfort its their understanding` but than again i doubt they will.. later on met up with c.wei & lorrane. headed to mr bean & slack till 43o. tankiies sweets for the ride back & its really a joyous night out with no clubbing but slacking. with our new resolution taking place i wonder why peeps still don't believe us. LOLS!

' Love isnt an easy thing; it takes time to unleash everything... '

will you catch her when she falls ;