when the mind feels uncertained, the heart seemed unclear

*yawns* gona be a short entry i guess. am tired. i guess its time to shoo my bug away & do some work. gotta look for newspaper article for my LAW assign to be handed up tml which i've yet done, Law & Tourism Project + most importantly Econs test on wed which i've yet to touch a single page. lalalas. shall either do it today or tml. hmms. but i doubt i'll have the time to do so tml as i've got my workshop till pretty late & by the time i reach home i'll want to go my twinkleland. oh well.. haha. gona go jogging with my parents later in the evening. its time for some workout.. whhee. guess i'm going back to my gym pretty soon when i've got the time to sign up. was supposed to go for my performance yday BUT i gave it a MISS coz i was really tired & dun feel gd in the morn. been pretty busy with school + going for my practice & workshop. haben had the time to get a gd rest` let alone for myself. guess my energy level is draining out. no more superwoman. at least even superwoman needs to rest & perhaps i'm getting old. lolls. got the chance to see fireworks again. am really lucky to be able to view it at my home & my relatives came over my place too. haha. took a snap shot of the fireworks & decided to upload one of the many pics. i'm just lazy to upload all. haha. opps :x

[[- Clown -]]... haha. saw my msn nick? what do u think of it? meaningful rite. lolls :x

"matters of e heart r complicated. e more u tink e worst it bcums. so cut off ur emotions; ignorance is bliss. sometimes it aint ur fault to cut off ur emotions & go against nature"

dun worry i'm not suffering frm any love probs & since when do i suffer frm such things? haha. thou at times it may seem hard to do so but i'm able to control my emotions & not let it rule my head, most importantly my heart :) its suppose to be meant for u. u shud know why right. haha. sorry for not being to hear u bitch on fri but really i feel lyk STRANGLING u till u SUFFOCATE. opps. little lamb turns violent again. haha. :x why make urself feel so horrible and let ur emotions run over u when the fact dat u seen it coming & know whats gona happen? its really silly of u. what can u do abt it? u cant right. yeah i know when u like someone of coz u tend to watch over them & hopes for the best in them. but really what can u do? i do know love is blind. its bcoz love is so blind that ppl make the silliest mistakes. i dun blame u for feeling so horrible but cmon its really not worth making urself going thru such shit. dun make urself tink abt it so much and landed up feeling horrible again yeah. :)

x+..Tim..+x eh constipated ballet boy, i DOUBT i;ll be performing on NDP already` gona watch the show at padang thou u said the show sucks. i've tot of it le thou its gona be great & memorably fun but i'm gona SKIP dis time round coz my bro going HK in aug. if i dun spend time with him i wun be able to for the following 1 year. yeah hope u guys have fun but i guess i'll be joining ur for the other event` the one with the indian duno wad. haha. by den i;ll be back to suan u :) oh yeah. cheer up ks. in life one always faces many obstacles; nothing is smooth sailing. if its always smooth den life aint beautiful. it'll be so dull. dun think life sucks just bcoz of one set back but think of how to overcome it. take care yeahh. dun brood over it too much for it'll affect u. i'm sure it'll be alrights soon. smile like there's no tml. haha.. ;P

will you catch her when she falls ;

class starts at 1 & ended early at 4 today instead of 6 :) front office & english. aint dat bad. took a cab to sch for i overslept & aint in time to take the stupid mrt. hmm. come to tink of it hadnt been taking the train dat often lately. and yeah din call my dd when i ended sch` went back on my own. maybe coz i aint tired but blady blur me forgot abt my translink card. hmms. muz hab misplaced it sumwhere but cnt rem where, haha. went for my dance prac yday. it was a meaningful session. not the dance but the encouragement given & i've learnt something. they said when ur to achieve something, there will always be obstacles coming into ur way & not allowing u to go thru the path smoothly. dun let the obstacles get down at u instead try of ways to overcome it. dey said whatever problem or greatest challenge just pray and it'll help for god will help u go thru it. i know i haben got a strong faith yet & dun really pray but eversince YCF i must say my faith grew a lil. not much thou but dere is improvement. i hope one day i'll start chanting & chant together with my mummy + i must be determine to be able to chant dat daimoku book & hopefully i'll really be able to confide myself to god. my mum says i need a religion. no doubt abt dat i really do need one coz i'm always encountering many obstacles and hidden sorrows in myself. maybe when i finally commit myself in religion and yeah maybe a day to come i'll be free. secondly, as for the ndp, due to space constraint on the stage only 100 ppl able to dance on the stage & 25 frm my grp will be selected the rest will be on the ground floor with the audience. i guess being located where ur suppose to be at doesnt matter. it matters only when ur able to bring JOY to ppl & having seen that smile on their face. to be able to experience that is a bonus` and i'm very sure i'll feel 10x the JOY of that. i guess i love to see the happiness in ppl. when they are happy i'm happy & if i'm able to make them happy i'm 100x happier. i guess my tinking have changed & perhaps i've grown. really grown. no longer being unreasonable, being ms super spoilt / pampered brat & cnt take hardships. yeah i know i might be or am still childish at times or maybe most of the times but it doesnt mean i haben got the matured side of me. i just think that in life we dun always get to have the opportunities to do what we want & why do u want to be so serious. of coz when its time to be serious i;ll be serious. anyway i'm really really blessed with the things i have although i still have got many regrets. my parents once said whatever is in the past, u've to let it go. no point looking back and brooding it for u cant fix a broken piece its the present and the future that matters most. i guess i learnt how to let it go but still its hard for me not to tink of the past & let it go just like that coz there've been wounds and scars inflicted my heart. yeahh and i know that no matter how hard i try to be perfect i can nbr be one coz no-one is perfect.
ended sch at 115 yday. stayed back till 33o to discuss our tourism part ii of what to be added. haben done my compiling of mine and derline yet coz i've got no time in the night due to my prac. reached home lyk ard 11 & was tired so decided to leave it for today. doubt i wana go for my workshop tonight. many things to do. tml's gona be friday & pretty soon its the wkend. so blady fast. *siighhs* yeahh and my grp are going down to Scarlett hotel to do our Front Office Project. Saturday gona be out the whole day due to the Preview of ndp. gotta go tampines as our venue is dere & i've got to go for my dental appointment dat my dd scheduled for me in the morn. haha. whhhee. time to clean my teeth :) yups. maybe clubbing with my matiies. aint confirmed yet. alrights. uploaded few pics. haha. during my housewarming. aiie. i left out on my housewarming part. nothing much to talk abt also` just dat i see afew faces whom i've not seen & haben seen for ages & worst of all i forgot their name urm i mean my relative name. haha. yeah & i din noe i've got afew more nephews and nieces. lolls. how amazing can dat be

e almost complete family tree pic` with apple & eli missing. now where was apple on dat day?

will you catch her when she falls ;

how lame can i get when i dun intend to blog but ended up blogging? shall be a short entry. felt a lil sick but i went for my workshop` was pretty fun. one big obstacle i must overcome is to tolerate smiling & laughing. haha. okays straight to the main point. pls dun be an idiot to keep repeating / bugging me the same old thing. simply HATE it when ppl do dat & u'll make me pissed + get onto my nerves & u wudnt want that to happen. urgh! can't even understand simple language. when i say YES means YES. are u DOUBTING me or will i be LYING thru my teeth? bsides its on the way & i really dun mind unless i'm not going home? blady irritating la` kept BUGGING & asking the SAME thing many times? almost cut off my entire nerves. due to me feeling unwell so my TOLERANCE level aint dat good, almost screamed my head out & felt lyk strangling dat idiot. urgh! when a person feeling unwell dun provoke dem coz nothing good will turn out right. so thats it. besides i've got a blady attitude problem so that makes it doublely worst.

** my team members :: o.5 down tml & many shits more to go but we'll be able to pull thru. haha. take care & drink more h2o to prevent the bug & not have a weak system lyk me.

will you catch her when she falls ;

i feel sick. freaking throat blady dry & having dis fainty spell` feel as thou i may lose my voice anytime frm now :/ went for my prac for upcoming NDP & yes Fiona the busty Xie came. she's performing together with us. woah.. her body power seh. haha. okays i aint no les. yes thats it for now. pretty drained out & gotta do my tourism part 2 project & sleep. shall blog elaborately another day + pics of yday.

will you catch her when she falls ;

wwhhhee. finally sch aint as bad as before. WHY? firstly dere's NO LAW ! yippee.. :) had Front Office & English. 2ndly we get to END sch at 1 :) its really really a RARE chance to go back EARLY. haha. anyways gotta do our tourism project so my grpies headed to BB's Mac. had their lunch dere but as u noe i HATE fast food so i went to the k0pii shop beside it together with alison & had lunch together with ad & lim. had dumpling yiew mian. was yummy & the soup's tasty. as usual i din finish my food. haha. went back & discussed our project till 4+. bought "gui ling gao - herbal jelly" as my bro loves it. yes brother bear, it aint as HORRIBLE as u say it meant to be. in fact its really yummy. haha :P reached home & my parents were busy cleaning + tidying the house for we're having house warming tml. yeahh & i gotta do sumthing to my room which i'm kinda lazy to do it. who wants to be my "MARIA" for 1 day & help me tidy my room? LOLS. i tink i'm horrible but actually i dun see any tidying to be done. surprisingly its kinda neat to me. maybe coz i dun touch the things in my room except for my bed, study desk & cordless phone + i aint sharing room with my bro anymore. haha. well GUYS are always darn untidy` that explains everything. haha. yups. can't wait to see my darling LING to come tml. its time for our BITCHINGS! yippee.. :) ahhh. i tink i might not have the time for i gotta help out & do some entertaining which i dread it lots. thou i love to entertain but no not my relatives coz dey aint as crazy or have the same mentality as i do. they tend to be more serious & i cant stand it when ppl are being serious :/ yeahh my dd's frens + afew of my bro's fren are coming over in the noon. mummy asked me to be at home to help & entertain but tankiex god i've got my Post-Celebration for my YCF at 23opm` which means i can run away frm it. haha. OPPS :x but before i go for my YCF thingy i'll surely wait to see my bro's frens. haha. i'm really curious to know the sort of frens my bro hang out with. shall let u know if they have the qualities in them and are hunks anot. hahaha.. :x
[[..21st July'o5 - Thurs..]] horrible time at sch due to having 6hrs of LAW. my brain really went nuts + bonkers. and yes i did sumthing. i manage to argue or maybe a mini debate with that LAW BITCH. i tink she quite pek cek with me till at one point a time she kept her mouth shut. haha. *sense of satisfaction* and u noe wad? she actually said SORRY to me? haha :) plus she said i'm the CLASS CLOWN of the day. hmphs! whats wrong with being a clown? does she have a prob with that? besides i love being one. i tink its a previledge to be a clown for clowns do not have any worries in them. they are the happy go lucky kinds. i tink i'll prob go nuts if i juz seat dere trying hard to focus & absorb. the least i cud do is self-entertaining. at least i made everyone laugh better den U suffocating us with all e damn thing. stupid law bitch. well we wun be seeing her next week & its greatttt ! she tinks nobody dares to argue back or do things against her? well we shall see & let the battle begins. whhee. this is so damn exciting & i'm loving every min of it. shall tink of ways of how to argue or make her pek cek again. HAHA. screw u law bitch. yeahh its my mummy 5oth bday. due to the busy schedule i;m in right now, i cudnt throw a party for her which i told her i wud afew years back. i'm sorry mum but i'll try a make a grand one when ur 55? urm provided i really have the time & not like now. bought her favourite tiramisu cake but its choco flavour.

its very yummylicious. if u guys wana buy a cake u shud go to 'sweet secret' as their cakes have got standard. yups. took some snap shots for my mummy. haha. i even corrected her pose.

just realised my mummy aging real fast & she really aged alot. thou she's still beautiful in my eyes but she aint as beautiful as before. yeahh. i tink i shud reflect on myself + my attitude. i'll really try my best to change in bcuming a better person & be good thou at times she gets onto my nerve. anyways we had jipun food. its so yummy & my favourite too. especially sashimi, california rolls & sushiis :) too bad i've got small appetite coz i always cant eat much. yes for dose of u who duno, jipun food is one of my family favourite. haha. *yums*

hmms. took dis few days back when its abt to rain. looked out of my window & i tink dat the scenery's kinda beautiful with the greyish clouds & the haze covering the trees @ the reservoir. decided to take my cammie and snap the beauty of nature. simply perfect if u actually see it for urself rather den looking at the pics. anyway it aint dat bad also & i dun tink i'm a bad photographer. haha. if u wan a bigger view of it just LEFT click alrights for i minimized all the pics :)

will you catch her when she falls ;

oh well. what can i say? school definately gona SUCK to the core tml. WHY? fancy spending 6 blady HELL long HOURS with dat LAW BITCH and u'll know the answer to it. urgh! dammit. wonder how am i gona survive. feel lyk taking MC but can't coz i nid a 1oo% attendance dis sem. almost everyone in my class have got NO mood to attend tml's lesson upon hearing of th outcome. shit man. ONE whole day learning LAW ? wana noe what will happen? screwed up cranky brains & i'll confirm be darn drained out + pek cek + cursing her deep in me + hallucinating things. oh i just remembered` she was talking abt BLOGS as its related to law saying that ppl can sue u blah blah blah & for christ sake she can't even pronounce properly. wonders how she can climb till so far. she muz hab used underhand tactics. or maybe voodoo dolls? (maybe i shud drop by kinokuniya and check out if dey sell the book with the voodoo is really the real thing) haha. plus her character sucks. no good points` no trace of humbleness ... blah blah blah. all i see is nothing good but BAD. OPPS. i tink i shud blog CAUTIOUSLY for i might get SUED. "" ohh i'm so sccarrreeddd" blah ! haha. even thou i have no god damn idea who reads my blog, i seriously dun give a shit & damn abt it. this is my BLOG. u can't stop & restrict me frm what i wana blog & its none of ur business. besides its my PRIVACY` MY LIFE. i din ask u guys to come into my blog and read my bitchings. its u urself brought urself in to self-entertain urself if u tink my blog is "interesting" (which i doubt so). anyway, if u've got a prob with the way i blog well hell to u` haha. oh guess what finally after many weeks of sch today's the FIRST time we get to END sch at 245 when we usually end off at 6+ haha. although we still gotta do our project but its okay. the thought of ending sch early really put a smile onto my face :) oh yeahh i've finally made up my mind. i've decided to watch the ndp instead of performing. its a really really hard decision to make as i do wana perform but *siighhs..* do i have a choice? besides its hard to get tix to the padang. oh boyy` i'll really miss everything. the sense of satisfaction, the feeling of joy, the feeling of desire to perform a great show, the feeling of happiness whereby u see the smiles on ppl's face & making the whole event a happening thing. i duno how to explain it out but the feeling is simply great. u'll get to understand what am i trying to say if u take part in such stuffs` besides u dun always get the chance / opportunity. i must say i really learnt alot & i really enjoyed myself to the max specially YCF. the greatest & most happening event. whhee :) its one of the most memorable moment of my life & i'll nbr forget it & will nbr regret participating it despite of my hectic schedule. i must say i prefer YCF rather den last year's ndp. dun ask me why coz i duno how to tell u. am really gona miss every single whole lots of it. i'm glad to have met certain ppl for they nbr gave up hope on me & kept encouraging + supporting me. really tankiex god for that :) okays, i shall stop and time to read thru my front office for there is quiz tml. nites all

will you catch her when she falls ;

yeah i'm back. school is boring as usual. darn tired as my energy all drained out. haben had a gd rest since fri night. no complaints abt it. finally its the end of my ycf performance & yes i had hell loadsa FUN ! feelings? happy, joy, satisfied, sad & mixie of everything.. gona miss every single bits of it soon + my groupies aka blk b. the 3 months of training has been paid off thou i MIA-ed at a point of time & the whole performance was a success :) took loads of pic & urm i tink i'll take my own sweet time to upload otherwise i might not be uploading at all as its really alot` lazy yah. haha! opps :x yups. performed in the night on saturday. my family went & i had binocular eyes as i cud spot dem when dere's a huge crowd during the grand finale. was great but it cant beat sunday's as it was amazingly fabulous. i must say the 2 performance on sunday was the best. gave it my best shot & enjoyed myself lots. headed to tpy mac together with my grpies for our last dinner together. thou i aint a mac fan & HATE fast food but oh well shall not spoil the fun :) went to watch fantastic four after dinner. overall not bad kinda funny` haha. every movie is funny to me be it horror, romantic, action flick, blah blah blah. i'll nbr be able to control my laughter. yes and that reminds me of sumthing. tankies to shaunrick whom mimick my laughter cum giving funny comments and now "BALLET" boy aka timothy cant stop kaziaoing me by mimicking it. haha! beh tahans. but who cares` i dun give a shit outta it. yeah by the time i reached home, bathe and everything it was already 12+ had ta rush and edit cum compile my project dat has been handed up today as well as my eng assign. slept at 3 & thats why i'm so stoned in sch today. fell deep aslp during the 15mins break of tourism. din go out for lunch as dere was a last min cock-up thingy of my project. kana pengs wor. oh and i'm not going for the stupid ctis. in exchange for that i gotta do some admin stuffs. wadever. dun give a shit. anyway i hate this week and next coz we'll be seeing that law bitch. oh fcuk her. haha! Yes. i'm so confused right now. can u guys help me? i'm in a lost on whether i shud perform for NDP or shud i go to the padang and watch the show? coz we're asked to perform on national day @ tampines duno where. feel like performing but at the mean time i feel like going to the padang and watch. *siighhs* oh boyy` HOW.. PLS HELP MMEEE!!

** Get Well soon big brother clownie bear. save ur herbal tea for urself yah :) HAHA. bleahhs

**tankies crystal & mhong, by watching me perform on sunday thou i din noe ur r there & was so cock eye dat i din see ur waving at me at the grad finale due to me having hell loads of fun enjoying myself. haha! looking to see u at my place on sat nites :)

** LINNGGG ! i cant wait to see u on sat night *muacks* love ya girl. and i really had so much fun man boyy am i missing everything right now. i guess u shud be going thru the same feeling as i am. haha` whhhheee..

** adrian. i know how u feel and i was in ur situation b4 and it was worst. anger does not help or solve anything. so dun be pissed yah. try sorting things out first kays

** whhheee. i'm in a happy mood so a big hug to everyone who reads my daily bitchings *HUGGIES*

will you catch her when she falls ;

*yawns* am tired. stayed up late last night watching the last disc of my dvd & finally i've completed the HK serial of 'The Last Break Through' definately a nice show` tankiex g0d dere's eng sub otherwise i aint able to catch it as its in canto. yes & i changed the my blog song :)

alrights. in an hours time i gotta head to the stadium for my performance which starts in the night & its the last 3 performance.. gona enjoy myself real lots before i start missing everything. 3 months of practicing & finally the day has come. haha! gotta blog real fast coz i nid to prepare & put foundation. aint a fool to put eye shadow blah blah blah juz in case they've got ppl to do make up for us. oh boyy` make up. hate it. the process of removing that whole lot of make up is juz so TROUBLESOME & i take 1omins to clear it. boo.

gona be a busy weekend for me. aint gona have the time to rest. my performance for today & tml gona take loads of time & i'm left with the night BUT i gotta PIA my assignments & touch up on my project. loadsa stuffs to do & hand up on Monday.

1 - English Assignment

2 - Tourism Part 1 Project

3 - Law Bitch Assignment

4 - Front office Quiz

yes.. i'm gona be busy. reall busy so pls dun call me for this 2 days. aint have the time to entertain u. dun wish to go to sch for the following 2 weeks but i know i can't run away from it. its gona be a HORRORible time in school coz we're having a LAW craze. urgh! poor brains of mine. wonder how am i gona tahan when 4.5hrs of law drives me nuts. screw dat law bitch. maybe i shud use my hp to take her pic & develope it so whenever she make me go crazy i'll poke her blady face with needle to relieve my stress level. hahaha :)

apologies to my friends if i gave them a sucky attitude yday. i know my attitude is bad at times. i duno but am really pissed. i just simply dun wana go to the damn Historic Tour or wadever shit for ctis next saturday & have no mood for it. besides i REALLY have got stuffs to do & i can swear upon myself. i really am not bluffing or wadever shit. wadever` i dun give a fcuk on wad ppl say or tink abt me and fcuk dat BITCH. nb. this the second time talking to her & she is blady FCUKING SACASTIC. fcuker. is all the bitches in ATBS all like this? urgh. !@#$%^&* almost had conflicts with her again coz she say i duno how to do things properly & nbr tell dat bitch properly. i already tried telling dat damn bitch and she fcuking sacarstic. what u want me to do? i seriously am tired of always having the feeling of being stuck in the middle. suddenly i seriously regretted going back to this screwed sch to study. fcuk TP too. i'm really starting to wonder.. is this what i really want? is this the path dat i wana do? is dis really my interest? i don't know. i really don't. all i know is that i'm struggling.

will you catch her when she falls ;

oh boyy` nbr have i been in a situation whereby i'm feeling so drop dead exhausted in sch. slept throughout english lesson & was in deep sleep. woke up 5 mins b4 she end her lesson. wad a perfect timing & i used that 5 mins to go to the ladies. oh man. cant believe i actually did that. haha. wonder what she thinks of me. din wan dis to happen but cant blame me. i'm really damn exhausted. its all thanks to the lesson called 'LAW' thou i dun understand a single shit outta law but it do tires my brain as i'm having great difficulty understanding it. *yawns* sians. gona see that law bitch again. urgh! she's my nightmare. the terrorism that horrified my brain. i need to find a voodoo doll to screw that law bitch. yes i seriously do. and pls for ur info. i'm not being EVIL and i do not HATE ppl. i only do dis when i'm at my wits & only to those whom i condem. haha.

cllloowwnnn - where is my herbal tea? my throat giving me hell loadsa probs!! haha. nahh juz joking. cant stand those herbal tea outside.

will you catch her when she falls ;

aint in a pretty mood today` feeling pissed, moody cum irritated & its not due to PMS. i HATE WEDNESDAY. fcuking mood spoiler day among the week. WHY? its due to the 4.5 hrs of LAW lessons. urgh! i CAN'T STAND dat fcuking BITCH. she tinks she's some BIG FCUK so she can act like some SHIT. teaching like a damn machine gun shooting all the way assuming ppl can catch up & flipping the pages here and dere like nobody's business. !@#$%^&* i CAN'T TAKE IT anymore! i dun even understand a single SHIT. i think i wana GIVE UP on my LAW. yes i am. fcuk care whthr i flop the paper. oh u noe what? i'm on the VERGE to BUY a VOODOO DOLL & cast a spell on her. urgh! the sight of her makes me wana strangle her. wish she cud disappear & i hate dis cuming 3 weeks. its HORRORible. i feel sick & i think i'm FALLING sick soon. my throat is irritating me & i've a feeling my FLU bug is on the WAY. urgh! damn. stayed back after sch to discuss project & we're heading to alison's place on friday to finalize our tourism part 1 project. *siighhs* EVERYTHING seems so WRONG today. i can't figure out why. and yes after such a long time i had a mini cold war with her. i din talk back or counter attack instead i gave her my ULTIMATE sucky cold ATTITUDE and she noes it. i noe she aint happy abt it & she tinks i'm always starting it when its not. wadever i cant be bothered anymore. at least its better den before. kept my mouth shut & bottling all my anger to myself trying hard not to explode. thou it sucks & difficult to keep my fiery inside of me but its better den having a horrible war. i just dun get it. why can't the both of us able to communicate well. i just HATE communicating with her coz its just so hard coz she dun even understand me at all. it will really be a miracle if we managed to have a 10 sentences conversation w/o getting pissed, unhappy or conflicts. i hate it when she says or do stuff to provoke me. urgh! *siighhs* i'm TIRED. so tired. tired of the stuffs that is happening ard me. tired of going to sch. basically tired of everything. i feel so LOST its like i'm all alone out there in dis big universe. deres many thing i wana do but at the same time i feel so RESTRICTED. when can i ever find my true self? i dun wan to continue living in dis stupid shell of mine. so sick and tired of it *siighhs* not in the mood to do anything right now. maybe i shud slp right now and not tink of anything. hopefully my mood will be better tml. i'm totally DRAINED - my mind, my brain, my energy, everything. i just want this week to be over. hmm. or shud i say dis sem? simply hate it loads. urgh! i need to de-stress & maybe its time for me to do something abt it.

[[ snap shots of yday - my last dance practice :: can u spot me? ]]

[[..snap shot of the lil family tree` our 3 diff snaps..]]

hm. who's dat xtra behind us?

will you catch her when she falls ;

sch as usual was tiring. tankiex god dd came to fetch me home. thou i'm tired & din intend to blog but i changed my mind. decided to blog my happiness :) wwhhee. i can't explain to u the happiness i'm going thru right now. the feeling just seem so perfect. hmm. dun ask me why do i feel happy out of a sudd coz i wun be able to give u a direct/definate ans. its not the power of sch that makes me happy besides it doesnt have the ability to influence me. maybe its bcoz of the after effect of attending my stuff. the ppl dere are hilarious, friendly and makes u feel comfy. oh yes. there's this cute guy too` simply adorablelicious and i tink his name really suits him lots. haha :) okays shall not elaborate further to prevent ppl frm kaziaoing me. oh boy` i juz cant help but smiling to myself in front of the com screen? i tink i'm behaving lyk an idiot but i dun give a shit. guess if my family see the way i'm behaving right now dey might tink i'm crazy. haha! but hey since when am i normal? its been a long time since i felt it dis way. its like all the burden in my heart has been vanished. the burden might be back again but at least my heart felt lighter. am so glad dat my dd gave me his support & the encouragement otherwise i wudnt be part of it & be able to experience da feeling i've right now. tankiex dd *muacks* love ya loads ! heard dat there'll be an event dis sat. i wana go but its a pity dat my performance clash on the same day *siighhs* but nbr mnd i'll enjoy myself on sat too :)

Count down to my performance : 5 more days - YCF.. here i come..! :)

happy sha lala. whhheee. :) okays time to sleep. nitey all *hugs*

will you catch her when she falls ;

greatt. my peace has been interrupted by noises by dose contractors doing renovation work for the neighbour living directly above me :( freaking irritating. tankiex to them who woke me up frm my twinkleland. *yawns* feeling rather nua right now. cudnt even wake up & guess wad? i was suppose to go for my last dance prac early morn but i juz cudnt wake up. its not as thou i did on on purpose and i noe its my fault. slept at 5am and i set my alarm at 63o. the alarm sounded` i tink i heard it rang but i juz simply cudnt open my eyes and get out of my twinkeland for i'm really tired. woke up at 1. felt real darn guilty for not being able to wake up *siighhs* anyway was rather fun at chinablack last night although the beginning was freaking bored.. cover charge was free and i din really drink. am trying to cut down coz its not good for my health and its bad for the complexion. people who went:: glenda, sarah, adrian, dian, liyana, yad, farhan, kaze, reb, derline, vivien & her dcs mates. oh and the dhms were dere to celebrate i think don bday. dats wad i heard frm deline i tink. haha. anyway there were more guys den girls in black. it may be a gd thing for girls but i aint interested in those guys simply bcoz the GUYS are FREAKING TIKO bastards. urghh! its sick.. okays i dun wana elaborate more. i dun understand one thing. why cant a girl and a guy be vv good frens? why issit dat ppl tend to see it in another point of view and ended up being misunderstood? whatever it is i dun give a damn & care abt wad ppl say. dey can think whatever they like bcoz i can't control their mind but as long as i've got a clear conscience thats gd enuff. i dun see a point of explaining whereby its not being understood.

[[..o9o7o5` Saturday..]] its my brother's bday but we din celebrate for him as we already celebrate in advance for him. passed him his pressie. bought him a tie & royce bitter chocs.

am glad he likes the tie loads. i duno why issit dat when i take the pic the tie turns out to be so diff coz it aint as plain as u see it. wadever! haha. yes i said i was going down for another of my stuff. and i lost it. haha. oh. i'm so pleased with myself coz i'm able to read chinese words except for afew? hahaha. what a miracle. yes the line that i was reading was to be pissed and angry but i cudnt do it. i kept wanting to laught out loud but i controlled myself. instead i kept smiling. haha! i tink the lady beh tahan me. she said i'm reading it frm the passage and that i'm not relating to it den she said i'm not fierce enuff. wadever. how am i suppose to act out to be angry when i'm not in a bad mood & dat i love to laugh? haha. idiots. later on she say i nbr practice.. last min den practice. what the shit. excuse me. u guys told me last min like on fri night? how to practice right? maddness` anyway, i told them dat i wana back out dis time round coz i tink i cnt manage` besides i'm still a newbie..dere will be more chances for me next time. i rather tell dem myself den dem telling me. felt so good after dat. haha. yes and she darn blady cek ark sia. come late still doubt on the time dat i came. ask me to be dere at 12 and i reached at 1157.. still can ask me are u sure. HELLO i'm vv sure bcoz i'm nbr punctual when meeting ppl but if its sumthing important i'll be EARLY okays. how can u doubt on the time i say or how do u know when u came LATE. urghhhh! oh took some snap shots of my gleeful look. lalalas ;P

..the guys of dtm o7o4-

hafiz being smacked on his birthday. haha
lolls. fad behaving like some monkey while eating coco pops

ohh i've finally uploaded the pic that i took. lolls. i better warn u its horrible so be prepared to puke. and yes i think u better stand by a plastic bag. haha

haha. thats my shag face.

will you catch her when she falls ;

ahhhhhhhh. i saw FIREWORKS in my room!!! yes FIRE WORKS for the rehearsal of ndp. tankiex to karsoon who told me abt it. its simply beautiful. darn GORGEOUS :) i'm so blessed to live on the 36th floor. lalala. too bad no cammie to take pic. hp too lousy. okay be back tml and i'm off to chinablack.

will you catch her when she falls ;

i'm feeling freaking frustrated right now. urgh! firstly, i feel so fcuking broke. yes although its juz the beginning of July but i'm really kinda broke. dun DOUBT on me coz i'm NOT LYING. besides i aint no rich kid. *siighhs* i begin to smell the importance of money and seriously i need $ but am BROKE. i dun wana ask my parents for additional money even when i've got my allowance and am broke, i dun wana bother dem as i know they too are cash tight due to renovating of house. i know they have spent loads of money for the house. oh man. i think i've got to scrimp for this month. gotta skip loads of things. hmm. sounds familiar.. opportunity cost? haha! i feel so pathetic. i dun even dare to go to the bank and update my bank book. was at the atm and wanted to draw out cash but they rejected my card coz they say the amt that i wana withdraw is insufficient. !@#$%^&* ggggreat. simply fabulous greattt. i feel so helpless. i wana withdraw a small amt of money today and the bank rejected my card. how abt tml? damn. i think i shud live with water and bread for dis month. *siighs* i felt so bad asking & rushing her to return the $ dat i lent her. i have never opened my mouth and asked ppl to return me the money i lent them & its the first time ever i'm doing this. i feel so bad abt it coz knowing her situation & me asking her to deposit by tml.. *siighhs* sorry ks but i really got no choice. Secondly, i hate myself for not brushing up on my chinese. i regretted not taking it seriously. suddenly i feel so embarressed. being chinese and my chinese freaking bad cum sux / CMI. thats bad. i've got to go for another of my stuff tml and its RELATED to CHINESE. FCUK! its my first opportunity but the thing is its in CHINESE morever the paper dat i'm require to READ is not in simplified words. its in the complex writing. HOLY SHIT. oh god pls save me tml. damn. i feel so humilated. *siighhs* bcoz of my lousy chinese i gotta go down early tml and practice it before heading to the location. they said they are giving me a chance and if by the time my chinese really CMI and cnt read the damn paper, i cnt go for the thing and gotta wait for another opportunity in order to brush up and practice my chinese. ahhh. shit. oh man i hope a miracle will bless me. oh god pls gimme dis chance and not let anything happen to me... pretty pls. pls let me be a sudden genius tml / for one day & able to read chinese words. *siighhhhs* what the hell. why can;t they put HAN YU PIN YIN. !@#$%^&* shit. just imagine. if i fail my mission tml i will feel so embarressed & what will they think of me. ahhhhhh.... i'm so tired. enuff of my frustrations. its either i die or survive. okay i shall not add anymore salt to my wounds cum fustrations. gona have my beauty sleep right now. gotta wake up early tml & be a zombie on sunday. WHY? coz i gotta wake up extremely early and head down to my destination all the way till night when i meet my maties to black and all the way to early morn on sun. the next thing is rush for my dance practice. yes so thats it. pls DUN CALL /DISTURB ME on SUNDAY coz my mood will be extremely LOW and BAD. moreover i gotta rush for my project on sunday. i'm screwed. real screwed. so damn screwed. poor panda...

Happy Birthday to my darling brother. love him loads. got sumthing nice for him & hope he likes it :)

will you catch her when she falls ;

its an exhausting day today. thou lessons ended at 43o but imagine having 4.5 hours of business law. driving u nuts physically & mentally. i aint cut to become a lawyer. really have to salute my brother for being able to take up and tahan such challenging, tough and chimilogy course. oh well.. he's much capable den me dats why he's my role model in my heart :) *siighhs* hopefully i'll be able to take dis opportunity and ask him to teach me before he goes HK in august to study.. *soobbs* gona miss him loads. anyway. its gona be SO TERRIBLE tml. WHY? coz our lessons STARTS at 8am and ends at 6pm. urgh! such a torture. i really dread dis sem. really no life. i wish it cud end now and give me back my hols. haha. yes i just remembered i gotta go for my dance workshop after sch as it starts at 73o. i guess i'm gona be tired out tml. aint gona revise my business law tonight. gona have a good beauty sleep. shall revise it on sunday. do u tink i give a shit abt it? haha. yes..clubbing at black on saturday with my maties` i really need to de-stress. need to get rid of all the stress, worries and bottled probs away... shhoo! and yes people.. can u pls be a kind soul and tell me WHAT DO GUYS LIKE as my bro's bday on sun & i've got clueless idea of what to get for him. pls drop me some SUGGESTIONS @ my Tag Board. tankiiex :)

tankiex for my fren whom uploaded her pic.

can u spot where am i. haha ! i look horribleliciously ugly in dat freaky make up. eews. shall upload the rest when i get hold of the digi cam.

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x+.. Happy 1 Year my dearie DTMians ..+x

knowing u bunch of peeps really brightens the day at sch. its been much fun and joy being together as a class. *siighhs* a year has pass and its so fast. *siighhs*

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haben blogged for the past 2 days as i'm tired cum lazy.. to on my bro's laptop and blog. haha. i'm tired right now but decided to blog. i guess i wun be blogging regularly or dat often now dat i'm back to sch. so my dear frens if i ever neglect on u or have yet been talking much pls pardon me alrights and my darling LING we better meet up often dis month otherwise when i get busy i'll really be busy. oh boyy` i dun really like dis sem's timetable. its so streneuous. going to sch at 83o and end lessons at 615? urgh! it seems as thou i've no life again. what can i possibly do when i end sch at 615 on mon, tues and thurs? its already so late when i reached home. the only thing my brain think of is 'i'm tired, sleepy.. its time to bathe, makan and sleep..' yes and i guess the 3 days are being wasted in a week. boo. pretty soon projects will be piling up and driving me nuts. sooner or later i'll be a crazy lady with bonkers brains and no time. haha! yesterday was alrights. first day of school. many newbies and i saw jiaxin. my fren frm my dance performance who;s currently in dhm o5. anyway my 135 bucks was gone just like dat due to purchasing of manuals like Tourism management, MicroEcons, Business Law and Front Office. urgh!!! just 4 books and its blady ex. dammit! every 3 months we've to spend so much $$ on books. *siighhhs* and yes guess what we did during tourism lesson? we had art class. LOLS! nahh.. actually we're asked to draw out 'what is tourism' taaddaa. thats our master piece. cute right? lolls.

had MicroEcons, Front Office and Tourism lessons today. whhhee. its Ms Nancy Kong who's teaching us econs instead of Jenny Lai. she's a nice tutor and can really teach..i hope i'll be able to pass my econs again juz like the previous sem. tried hard not to sleep during tourism. its boring and dry.. besides its like 1 and half hour straight without break? gosh. my brains were like shutting down already and i was waiting for her to say the word B-R-E-A-K ! lolls. *siighhs* alrights guess what? its only the 2nd day of sch and we have got 3 projects on hand already? urgh` terrible. the best part is we've got to complete one by the THIRD WK OF JULY! kana pengs. *siighhs* school is out to kill us..now u know why am i so reluctant to return to sch? ohh. we had a hand over of class rep and its so funny. HAHA! Julian got sabotage to bcum a class rep. lucks boy. lolls. no more pontang of sch, no more lateness. haha. too bad i din capture the hand over of file. it was hilarious. managed to take the last part. haha. thats adrian, indira, and the 2 new rep - shihui & bad boy julian who look so embarrassed. lolls.

guess what do the guys of dtm do when they're bored? they turn to strangling fadz with tables and chairs. haha.. and yes fad u shud learn to bow down to the chinese and I LOVE MY CHINESE. I SERIOUSLY DO. haha!

was suppose to go for my dance practice dis evening to rehearse and practice for my actual performance next wk but i din go as i was feeling tired. i know i've not been going to my practices regularly and i feel so bad about it. i seriously do. its not as thou i dun wana go on purpose. i guess there aint much practices left. anyway no matter what i guarantee that i'll give my best on the actual 2 days coz i wun waste the effort that i put in for the past few months. my darling LING.. lucks for urs dis coming week :) oh sorry peeps. the pic that i took last wk wun be coming out so soon as i can't find the digi cam at home. i tink my bro left it at his gf's place. haha. too bad *blleahhs*

thats the city view i see each time when i look out of the window when i'm seating at my table. its pretty gd as it releases stress. whenever i feel down i wud look out of my window. and have i told u guys that i COULD actually VIEW the SUN SET frm my house? lolls. yups its true. no kidding and its beautiful. haha. *glleeeful smilee* :)

will you catch her when she falls ;

i'm tiredddd. feel like sleeping right now but can't for if i sleep now i'll continue sleeping till next morn & dere's sch. (-.-) went for my dance practice at tpy stadium. was freaking tired due to last night's performance and also due to watching dvd till 1? lolls. opps :x cudnt even wake up thou i've already set my alarm. tankiex god my fren called me and woke me up. was late again. haha. can't blame me. i'm always so stone in the morn. saw my darling cuzzie after my practice. she was dere to rehearse for her performace next wk. i wanted to see their rehearsal but was not allowed. so sad *sobbs* anyways good luck ling. i'm sure u'll have loaddds of fun next wk *hugs* yups yesterday was our 1st performance thou it was a short one but it was definately fun :) saw mah bow tan, the minister for urh duno wad :x as he is the guest of honour. haha. yes and i successfully managed to apply make up on myself and am satisfied with the outcome but its a pity thing i forgot to take a pic of myself as i was rushing for time. was late as usual. blady hoots. they had miscommunication for they asked us to apply our own make up and when i went dere there are ppl to beautify us. i thought i could escape when i've already applied on my own but no they said i've to apply as well to standardize everyone's makeup. urghs. thats when the horror begin. removed the previous one and they applied so god damn thick turning me into some freak! yes dere was dis lady with the blusher? i was trying to avoid her coz i noe it'll be doom town but i failed and she blady hell blush my face with loads of blusher. it was freaking disgusting and i really freaked out. tried removing it but it can't seem to remove it. urgh! feel so sick upon looking at the mirror. the girl i see in the mirror looks so evilicious. (-.-) took pics and shall upload it later for i dun hab the digi cam with me right now. my dd said i look like an indian girl and my bro laughed upon looking at my make up. dahh`

will you catch her when she falls ;

in 3 hours time i'm going EXPO and my performance starts at 7. as we're juz doing the opening i guess i can leave pretty early. urgh darns. gotta put make up on my face and i aint a skillful one. shall do a light one instead of heavy make up coz they told us to put thicker. eeks. horrible. i hate putting make up that are freaking thick. machiam wayang. disgusting. cant imagine perspiring and having make up on ur face. (-.-) now why do ppl invent makeup in the first place? whats wrong of having a natural face and maybe with lip gloss instead of putting weird stuffs on ur face. make ups might be beneficial for others for it helps to bring out the beauty in u but at the same time its harmful coz it spoils ur complexion and ur skin as they've got chemicals in them. haha. okay i sound like an old hag. whatever. cant be bothered. haben decide whether we're going black tonight and i've to be home early coz i;ve got to go for my dance practice at 815 tml. its freaking early and i'll probably overslept and be late again thou its held at tpy stadium. in fact i dun even noe how to go dere even when i;m staying at tpy. haha. okay i admit i sucks at direction. anyway since when am i always punctual except school days. *siighhs* the days are passing so darn fast. come to think of it, its pretty scary. u have clueless idea of what is ahead of u. i have no idea what my future is going to be like and i can't be bothered to think that much. i hate growing old it sucks but i guess it makes one be matured and sensible in the things that we do. and yes i just remembered. its back to school on monday and i feel so reluctant :/

will you catch her when she falls ;

i love my dd so god damn much and am really fortunate to have him in my life. he really plays a huge and significant role in my life. althou i seldom talk to him abt my personal prob but at least i know he has been there being so understanding and giving me guaidiance in life. *muacks* thank u so much dd and for what u have done for me.. i really appreciate it lots. i'll be determined and prove myself and to everyone. hopefully i'll have god's blessing too and set a path for me. a successful one. i know i sound holy thou i am not dat dedicated in my religion but i'll try my best and pray more :)

havent been stepping outta my house eversince my shopping session with ling. i'm broke so yeah that explains everything. gotta go for my dance practice later and heading to EXPO to rehearse for tml's performance. yes we're performing tml. actually our performance will be in 2 wks time and it aint suppose to be tml but another group invited us to perform for them. :) such chances are really hard to come by & i must say we are a lucky bunch. must thank g0d for it :) oh i finally tried on my costume and its disgusting + horrible. i look blady ugly in it. freaking big thou its free size and i look lyk some obasang frm some weird place. haha. i'm clueless` our dance are beautiful but it turns out that the costume doesnt goes well and match the dance theme. what a waste *siighhs* i wonder what time will our performance end tml as adrian asks to go black. hopefully i'll be able to bump into shirin. haben seen her for quite some time` kinda miss her. and hopefully i'll be able to meet cat. mei too.. been years since i last saw her. can't imagine how long the journey gona be frm expo to town (-.- ) was suppose to go DBL O last night to celebrate glen's birthday but i din go as i was feeling kinda down and moody again + out of no where i've got a headache & besides i've nbr been dere aint no idea if its gona be fun. sorry abt that glen.. *siighhs* was really moody last night. another of my personal problem in my life. dun wish to talk abt it so dun probe.

...and yes TANKIEX SO MUCH DD.. i LOVE ya LOADS! *mmuahhs* HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA !

will you catch her when she falls ;